Control

Control is a funny thing isn't it?

"You make me angry".

"You can't see how difficult this is"

I've recently become more aware of the manifold ways in which we give away control subconsciously.  How we signal that we are "controllable" to others.  Consciously we may become anxious about "being controlled" and judging others to be "controlling" completely oblivious that we are asking to be "controlled" and it is entirely within our own power to avoid. 

So what is "control"?

Before I explore the answer to that, it's probably worth mentioning that if you are someone who fears being controlled, or who believes that others can be controlling or hold power over you, then your first instinctive response to what follows will be to simply discount it, to find ways to ignore it.  So instead the invitation is to see if you can give yourself permission not judge it.  At all. Just allow the possibility of its truth to sit with you for a while.

At its extreme, you may conclude or judge that I'm trying to tell you what to think, and therefore this post is trying to control you somehow.

Think about that for a moment.  A certain way to establish whether we're beginning to fear something is to listen to our bodies. If muscles start to tense, if the stomach starts to knot, if the breath becomes more shallow etc.  So if, as you read on, your body begins to have any sort of reaction, pay attention to it. Allow yourself to feel your fear or anxiety. 

And then, ask yourself, how exactly is this blog post "controlling" you?

See if you can be objective.  You're reading text typed sometime ago by some stranger in a strange world. How, objectively, are you being controlled?  This stranger would have to have omnipotent powers wouldn't they? Mind control through the medium of.... what exactly?

The text will be stored in Google's cloud somewhere on servers. You will call the data to screen across the internet and it will be rendered so that you can read it.  Where is the control coming from?

To be clear, I'm not talking here about physical restraint.  That's an entirely different thing.  I'm talking about the sort of control that you may "feel" that others have over you, somehow they have the ability to what? Suggest ideas to you that you feel compelled to follow? - Mind control?

Wow... Think about that for a moment,  The suggestion is that other sacks of flesh and bone are somehow able to control you through the sheer will of their minds without even restraining you? - Is that objectively possible?

Subjectively, it's certainly possible, but not Objectively.

So what's going on?

It's the same thing that makers of horror movies rely upon.

If you're a big fan of horror movies, particularly "scare" or psychological movies (as opposed to blood and gore horror), there's a strong chance you're also finely attuned to what you perceive to be the "controlling behaviour" of others.

It's all about fear.

Control is what we label our fear as, when others remind us of patterns of behaviour we've encountered before, but when we felt powerless to do something about it.  In this present moment, confronted again by that past pattern, we label the other person as "controlling".

And this is all going on subconsciously.

So where does the pattern come from?

Also... become aware that the more we perceive "controlling" in others, the more likely we are to exhibit "controlling" behaviour ourselves.  But of course, we'll be completely oblivious to our own behaviours!

So where does the pattern come from?

What is it about certain types of people? We find them attractive and yet eventually we may label them as "trouble" or "controlling" or "coercive".  What are we really saying?  Unless that person is physically restraining you, how are they controlling you, really?

If you're not physically restrained, you can simply leave at any time.  You can walk away.

And yet, you don't.  Why might that be?